Name Withheld Takes Own Life - cougarguard.com — unofficial BYU Cougars / LDS sports, football, basketball forum and message board

Sleeping in EQ · 01-11-2007, 03:24 PM

From Chris Bigelow's Mormon Tabernacle Enquirer

[Satire Alert]

Draper, UT—After several divorces, an addiction to pornography, sexual abuse, a bout with alcoholism, bankruptcy, not feeling welcome in her ward, homosexuality, multiple spells of church inactivity, and mental illness, Draper resident Name Withheld took her own life Saturday. She was 47.

Withheld wrote many articles about her personal traumas for the Ensign, the church’s official membership magazine. Among friends, she was known to be anything from manic-depressive to a gambling addict; among Ensign readers, she provided hope that they too could “break the cycle.”

“I’m always breaking one cycle or another,” Withheld said in 1999, just after writing “When a Spouse Has Been Unfaithful” for the Ensign. “I worry one day the cycles will start breaking me.”

She is preceded in death by several children who also committed suicide, a husband who died, parents who left the church and then died, and a premature baby who died in infancy. She is survived by faithful home teachers who never failed in their duty and a Relief Society President who always kept her in her prayers.

“Sister Withheld was beset by many problems,” said her Bishop, Randy Taylor. “I’m amazed she didn’t do this sooner.”

YOhio · 01-11-2007, 03:31 PM

That was hilarious. I love those stories in the Ensign. My favorite was when Name Withheld had an online chess addiction.

01-11-2007, 03:24 PM	#1
Sleeping in EQ Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: The People's Republic of Monsanto Posts: 3,085	Name Withheld Takes Own Life From Chris Bigelow's Mormon Tabernacle Enquirer [Satire Alert] Draper, UT—After several divorces, an addiction to pornography, sexual abuse, a bout with alcoholism, bankruptcy, not feeling welcome in her ward, homosexuality, multiple spells of church inactivity, and mental illness, Draper resident Name Withheld took her own life Saturday. She was 47. Withheld wrote many articles about her personal traumas for the Ensign, the church’s official membership magazine. Among friends, she was known to be anything from manic-depressive to a gambling addict; among Ensign readers, she provided hope that they too could “break the cycle.” “I’m always breaking one cycle or another,” Withheld said in 1999, just after writing “When a Spouse Has Been Unfaithful” for the Ensign. “I worry one day the cycles will start breaking me.” She is preceded in death by several children who also committed suicide, a husband who died, parents who left the church and then died, and a premature baby who died in infancy. She is survived by faithful home teachers who never failed in their duty and a Relief Society President who always kept her in her prayers. “Sister Withheld was beset by many problems,” said her Bishop, Randy Taylor. “I’m amazed she didn’t do this sooner.” __________________ "Do not despise the words of prophets, but test everything; hold fast to what is good; " 1 Thess. 5:21 (NRSV) We all trust our own unorthodoxies.

01-11-2007, 03:31 PM	#2
YOhio AKA SeattleNewt Join Date: Jan 2006 Posts: 7,055	That was hilarious. I love those stories in the Ensign. My favorite was when Name Withheld had an online chess addiction.