10-20-2008, 03:54 PM | #11 | |
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E.g. My mother died of cancer several years ago. She was relatively young, with children still at home. Her diagnosis was terminal from the start, so from that point in her life, she underwent treatment but was basically deteriorating. And when she died, I would have to say the chief emotion for my family was relief. Relief that the moment we had been dreading had finally come. Relief that she wasn't sick any more, etc. They [who made this happen, I can't recall] even trotted out her children to sing at the funeral. (I dissented, as I thought it was too much to ask for us to perform, but I was overruled). Anyway, I was also relieved that my mom was gone. This is terrible to say, but she and I had a very difficult relationship--made worse and not better with her terminal diagnosis--and she had a power over me that no one else did. I hated it. So that lifted at her passing. I hesitate to type it here, too, because it seems so ungrateful, which I don't think I am. Anyway, after the funeral, I returned home and realized that I didn't have to call my mom to tell her I arrived safely. I didn't have anyone to call because no one else would have been wondering. And I just lost it. But underlying all that was the feeling that I, who was relieved at her passing, had no right to grieve. For a long time I walked a balance of how much I thought it was okay for me to feel bad--maybe I still do. It was a complicated story for me, and a personal one. I would not tell this story in a church class without tying it up in a neater bow. I bet everyone has stories like that but they just question their faith-promoting aspects. Whether that's a bad thing is perhaps subject to debate. |
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10-20-2008, 04:41 PM | #12 | |
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10-20-2008, 05:07 PM | #13 |
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I guess my experiences are different.
I havent noticed an abudance of people at Church expressing gratitude for awful things in their lives. I have seen some people try to put their trials into perspective, but I always assumed that doing so was almost a sort of self-catharsis....a way of telling themselves that they would be ok. In fact, I have never heard anything teaching or encouraging us to not express sorrow and grief. Doesn't the Church have an LDS counseling service? LDS marriage counseling, as well? If anything, the Church recognizes that people grive and have sucky lives sometimes.
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10-20-2008, 05:24 PM | #14 | |
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http://lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?vg...ontentLocale=0
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10-20-2008, 05:30 PM | #15 | |
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It was sort of interesting to me when i recalled Afghani kids who had no idea what happiness is.
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10-20-2008, 05:32 PM | #16 |
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At a brief glance, I could see how the instructor may have spent more time focusing on "suffering only for a moment" aspect, thereby giving the impression that grief and sorrow is for the weak.
I will channel my inner mikewaters and share a ward anecdote......we are friends with a young married couple of similar age...they have 3 young children. Mom was pregnant....about 7 months along. It was their first boy. They lost the baby about 2 months ago. The family didnt even return to Church because they were so distraught. The husband (and surfing compadre of mine) confided that one of the reasons they stayed away was because they didnt want to hear from everyone that their son was in a better place, etc...I think they just wanted to be left alone to grive through it in a way that felt right to them. I do not blame them on bit. And in recounting that story, I guess you have a point....sometimes people just want their feelings validated.
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10-20-2008, 05:40 PM | #17 |
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I appreciate you sharing that personal story, RHG.
I had a different experience than in our class yesterday (same lesson). The woman had lost her husband very unexpectedly a few years ago (they came home from vacation, and he just laid down on the couch to rest and never woke up). This woman talked about the different shades of grief she felt, including how anger at the deceased is a common emotion. She spoke steadily for most of the account, then broke down a little when she spoke of how her daughter helped her get through it. She initially didn't want to burden her daughter (who was busy with law school) with these strong emotions, but found that it was cathartic for both of them. In the past 6 years of being in this Relief Society, I don't hear the kind of glossed over, Prozac-like reactions that were discussed in the OP. I hear things like "happiness does always mean you're having fun", which I take to mean that happiness can come from raw human emotions, and can be bittersweet at times. |
10-20-2008, 06:05 PM | #18 |
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The lady in our ward who piped up a couple of weeks ago (not that she isn't quick to share her opinions all the time) about how she doesn't have fear because she has faith is leaving on a mission with her husband this week.
One down, and about twenty more to go from my ward.
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10-20-2008, 06:08 PM | #19 | |
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Get your stinking paws off me, you damned, dirty Yewt! "Now perhaps as I spanked myself screaming out "Kozlowski, say it like you mean it bitch!" might have been out of line, but such was the mood." - Goatnapper "If you want to fatten a pig up to make the pig MORE delicious, you can feed it almost anything. Seriously. The pig is like the car on Back to the Future. You put in garbage, and out comes something magical!" - Cali Coug |
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10-20-2008, 07:12 PM | #20 |
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I've had my share of prolongued difficulties, but have never sought the medicated escape route; instead I overload on caffeine. Is that essentially the same thing?
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