Which Version of Rocky?

[Sleeping in EQ]

From the Epistle of Rocky to the Cougarguarders 15:6-7

The King James Rocky:

What I have learnt this day concerning the Church: lo, the Church is a respecter of persons as regarding the color of skins, and it is expedient that that the church infuse the Caesar’s equality so that the Caesarian followers might thereby find appeasement.

The teaching is thus concluded.



The New International Rocky:

What I know today about Jesus’ Church: That His church does not respect race as regarding Caesar, and the need to do so would only satisfy those who also follow Caesar.

No more needs to be taught on this subject.



The Good News Rocky:

With sarcasm I’m going to tell you what the foolish and heretical would teach me of the Church today: The Church favors one race over others and it should spend its time and resources to satisfy the political and worldly concerns of weaker Church members.

I have finished teaching on this point.



The Message Rocky:

What I just learned about Jesus’ Church: It’s full of racist bigots but that’s OK because only the heretical, this-world-loving, the government-can-solve- everything pseudo-Church members even care.

Word.




The Cotton Patch Rocky:

Today I learned something about Jesus’ Church: It’s full of Jim Crowe supporters and white-sheet-wearing Southerners, and that’s the way it should be because we don’t need to cater to godless hippies.

I’m outta here.



New Revised Standard Rocky:

What I learned today about the Church: That the church is racist and needs to incorporate a religious form of Affirmative Action to appease the Mormon Democrats.

End of lesson.

[Footnote: Ancient commentators indicate that these verses were to be understood as sarcasm.]