Are we a Prozac People?

[Archaea]

Today in HP Group, the lesson pertained to sufferings and trials, which inevitably boiled down to "choose to be happy despite the circumstances."

But the class examples struck me as odd and perhaps out of place.

First brother spoke of how he lost his infant son, but that he wasn't sad but almost glad for the spiritual enlightenment.

Second brother spoke of his teenage daughter overdosing on his heart medicine, with the same glib observations. It almost seems Mormons try to outdo each other as how spiritual they wish to appear, suffering horrible things only to say, "I felt so comforted." Is this why we're not moved by the sufferings of Afghani or Iraqi children, do we just pass it off, as "Oh they're in a better place now?"

Now I'm certain I didn't witness these people grieving, but it almost seemed inhuman. Isn't it okay to grieve and to feel sadness over bad events? Are some people just constantly pumped up on prozac that they feeling nothing? Are they alive?

I hope I never get to point past feeling, where bad things don't impact me, and happy things don't move me. An odd moment for me.

[CardiacCoug]

Has Pangloss ("All is for the best in the best of all possible worlds") been canonized yet?

A similar statement that will soon be canonized is "Everything happens for a reason." That is the stupidest statement of all time on multiple levels.

[RedHeadGal]

Originally Posted by Archaea

Today in HP Group, the lesson pertained to sufferings and trials, which inevitably boiled down to "choose to be happy despite the circumstances."

But the class examples struck me as odd and perhaps out of place.

First brother spoke of how he lost his infant son, but that he wasn't sad but almost glad for the spiritual enlightenment.

Second brother spoke of his teenage daughter overdosing on his heart medicine, with the same glib observations. It almost seems Mormons try to outdo each other as how spiritual they wish to appear, suffering horrible things only to say, "I felt so comforted." Is this why we're not moved by the sufferings of Afghani or Iraqi children, do we just pass it off, as "Oh they're in a better place now?"

Now I'm certain I didn't witness these people grieving, but it almost seemed inhuman. Isn't it okay to grieve and to feel sadness over bad events? Are some people just constantly pumped up on prozac that they feeling nothing? Are they alive?

I hope I never get to point past feeling, where bad things don't impact me, and happy things don't move me. An odd moment for me.

Maybe they were speaking from the perspective of hindsight? As in glossing over the pain and anguish they may have felt to get to the part they think it most worth sharing--the part where they come to peace with it all.

This story reminds me of Elizabeth Smart's recent appearance on Oprah (I know, your favorite show), where she explained how she is totally fine and her experience of being abducted and (presumably) raped never bothered her at all because she's home now and has faith or some such. No therapy required! It was kind of spooky watching her say that stuff.

[BarbaraGordon]

Originally Posted by RedHeadGal

This story reminds me of Elizabeth Smart's recent appearance on Oprah (I know, your favorite show), where she explained how she is totally fine and her experience of being abducted and (presumably) raped never bothered her at all because she's home now and has faith or some such. No therapy required! It was kind of spooky watching her say that stuff.

It was very disconcerting.

[Archaea]

Originally Posted by RedHeadGal

Maybe they were speaking from the perspective of hindsight? As in glossing over the pain and anguish they may have felt to get to the part they think it most worth sharing--the part where they come to peace with it all.

This story reminds me of Elizabeth Smart's recent appearance on Oprah (I know, your favorite show), where she explained how she is totally fine and her experience of being abducted and (presumably) raped never bothered her at all because she's home now and has faith or some such. No therapy required! It was kind of spooky watching her say that stuff.

I don't doubt your characterization is part of the equation, but it just seemed so surreal, so lacking in humanity. Yes internal resolution and some peace with events is important for psychological health, but the attitude about a very horrible thing not bothering them seemed very Children of the Cornish. Dali would be proud.

In reality, I kinda expect people to internalize more, "it was horrific, and still pains me from time to time, but I've come to grips with it in this manner...."

How can we build up those who suffer if we expect them to "just have faith and get over it?" It also ignores those will biologically originated emotional difficulties and many other issues. It appears to me, we believe "Gospel" answers everything like magic, but perhaps I'm oversimplifying.

[RedHeadGal]

Originally Posted by Archaea

I don't doubt your characterization is part of the equation, but it just seemed so surreal, so lacking in humanity. Yes internal resolution and some peace with events is important for psychological health, but the attitude about a very horrible thing not bothering them seemed very Children of the Cornish. Dali would be proud.

In reality, I kinda expect people to internalize more, "it was horrific, and still pains me from time to time, but I've come to grips with it in this manner...."

How can we build up those who suffer if we expect them to "just have faith and get over it?" It also ignores those will biologically originated emotional difficulties and many other issues. It appears to me, we believe "Gospel" answers everything like magic, but perhaps I'm oversimplifying.

I do feel like I have heard some "it was hard" expressed in context with how people explain their healing process. But maybe for the purposes of church lessons, it feels like the wrong place to let the bad parts hang out. They can be very personal and very individual.

E.g. My mother died of cancer several years ago. She was relatively young, with children still at home. Her diagnosis was terminal from the start, so from that point in her life, she underwent treatment but was basically deteriorating. And when she died, I would have to say the chief emotion for my family was relief. Relief that the moment we had been dreading had finally come. Relief that she wasn't sick any more, etc. They [who made this happen, I can't recall] even trotted out her children to sing at the funeral. (I dissented, as I thought it was too much to ask for us to perform, but I was overruled). Anyway, I was also relieved that my mom was gone. This is terrible to say, but she and I had a very difficult relationship--made worse and not better with her terminal diagnosis--and she had a power over me that no one else did. I hated it. So that lifted at her passing. I hesitate to type it here, too, because it seems so ungrateful, which I don't think I am.

Anyway, after the funeral, I returned home and realized that I didn't have to call my mom to tell her I arrived safely. I didn't have anyone to call because no one else would have been wondering. And I just lost it. But underlying all that was the feeling that I, who was relieved at her passing, had no right to grieve. For a long time I walked a balance of how much I thought it was okay for me to feel bad--maybe I still do. It was a complicated story for me, and a personal one.

I would not tell this story in a church class without tying it up in a neater bow. I bet everyone has stories like that but they just question their faith-promoting aspects. Whether that's a bad thing is perhaps subject to debate.

[Archaea]

Originally Posted by RedHeadGal

I do feel like I have heard some "it was hard" expressed in context with how people explain their healing process. But maybe for the purposes of church lessons, it feels like the wrong place to let the bad parts hang out. They can be very personal and very individual.

E.g. My mother died of cancer several years ago. She was relatively young, with children still at home. Her diagnosis was terminal from the start, so from that point in her life, she underwent treatment but was basically deteriorating. And when she died, I would have to say the chief emotion for my family was relief. Relief that the moment we had been dreading had finally come. Relief that she wasn't sick any more, etc. They [who made this happen, I can't recall] even trotted out her children to sing at the funeral. (I dissented, as I thought it was too much to ask for us to perform, but I was overruled). Anyway, I was also relieved that my mom was gone. This is terrible to say, but she and I had a very difficult relationship--made worse and not better with her terminal diagnosis--and she had a power over me that no one else did. I hated it. So that lifted at her passing. I hesitate to type it here, too, because it seems so ungrateful, which I don't think I am.

Anyway, after the funeral, I returned home and realized that I didn't have to call my mom to tell her I arrived safely. I didn't have anyone to call because no one else would have been wondering. And I just lost it. But underlying all that was the feeling that I, who was relieved at her passing, had no right to grieve. For a long time I walked a balance of how much I thought it was okay for me to feel bad--maybe I still do. It was a complicated story for me, and a personal one.

I would not tell this story in a church class without tying it up in a neater bow. I bet everyone has stories like that but they just question their faith-promoting aspects. Whether that's a bad thing is perhaps subject to debate.

thank you for sharing. Not all of us have those stories, so it helps others who struggle to hear it's okay to struggle. Perhaps better balance is in order as everything is about being sanguine in the face of the worst tragedies.

[TripletDaddy]

I guess my experiences are different.

I havent noticed an abudance of people at Church expressing gratitude for awful things in their lives.

I have seen some people try to put their trials into perspective, but I always assumed that doing so was almost a sort of self-catharsis....a way of telling themselves that they would be ok.

In fact, I have never heard anything teaching or encouraging us to not express sorrow and grief. Doesn't the Church have an LDS counseling service? LDS marriage counseling, as well? If anything, the Church recognizes that people grive and have sucky lives sometimes.

[Archaea]

Originally Posted by TripletDaddy

I guess my experiences are different.

I havent noticed an abudance of people at Church expressing gratitude for awful things in their lives.

I have seen some people try to put their trials into perspective, but I always assumed that doing so was almost a sort of self-catharsis....a way of telling themselves that they would be ok.

In fact, I have never heard anything teaching or encouraging us to not express sorrow and grief. Doesn't the Church have an LDS counseling service? LDS marriage counseling, as well? If anything, the Church recognizes that people grive and have sucky lives sometimes.

This is the lesson which went weirdly.

http://lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?vg...ontentLocale=0

[TripletDaddy]

At a brief glance, I could see how the instructor may have spent more time focusing on "suffering only for a moment" aspect, thereby giving the impression that grief and sorrow is for the weak.

I will channel my inner mikewaters and share a ward anecdote......we are friends with a young married couple of similar age...they have 3 young children. Mom was pregnant....about 7 months along. It was their first boy. They lost the baby about 2 months ago. The family didnt even return to Church because they were so distraught. The husband (and surfing compadre of mine) confided that one of the reasons they stayed away was because they didnt want to hear from everyone that their son was in a better place, etc...I think they just wanted to be left alone to grive through it in a way that felt right to them. I do not blame them on bit. And in recounting that story, I guess you have a point....sometimes people just want their feelings validated.